Worst Movies of 2014

Better late to the party than not showing up, right? Well, here I am: a week into January, and just now doing the “Worst of 2014” post.

Many of you have probably seen the highly publicized listing of Rifftrax’s “Worst Movies of 2014” list, as voted on in a public poll. For those that haven’t, here it is:

rifftrax

  1. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
  2. Transformers: Age of Extinction
  3. Dumb and Dumber To
  4. A Million Ways too Die in the West
  5. Left Behind
  6. The Amazing Spider Man 2
  7. Ouija
  8. Sex Tape
  9. Noah
  10. 300: Rise of an Empire

Interesting. I certainly have some quarrels with it, but such is the nature of democracy. Let’s compare that with a handful of other “Worst of 2014” lists, shall we?

Here is one pulled together by the good folks at the Stinker Madness Podcast, in no particular order:

logo

  • Noah
  • Left Behind
  • Sin City: A Dame To Kill For
  • A Winter’s Tale
  • Sabotage
  • Godzilla
  • 3 Days to Kill
  • Pompeii
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
  • Transformers: Age of Extinction

Here is another one, done by Rolling Stone:

rollingstone1

  1. Transformers: Age of Extinction
  2. The Expendables 3
  3. Godzilla
  4. Men, Women & Children
  5. The Amazing Spider Man 2
  6. The Judge
  7. Divergent
  8. Transcendence
  9. Annie
  10. God’s Not Dead

And yet another, for good measure, by The AV Club:

avclub

  1. Left Behind
  2. 3 Days to Kill
  3. Septic Man
  4. Lullaby
  5. Winter’s Tale
  6. Labor Day
  7. The Bag Man
  8. Dark House
  9. Drive Hard
  10. If I Stay
  11. Hector and The Search for Happiness
  12. The Legend of Hercules
  13. Miss Meadows
  14. Best Night Ever
  15. America: Imagine The World Without Her
  16. Third Person
  17. A Million Ways to Die in the West
  18. Saving Christmas
  19. Devil’s Knot
  20. Atlas Shrugged Part III

Needless to say, it was quite a divisive year for bad movies. None of the lists agreed on a number one, and different films show up in each of them. Notably absent from all of them is the Bollywood movie “Gunday,” that sparked so much controversy on IMDb and other social media sites, instantly tanking to the bottom of the IMDb Bottom 100. Also, the much-maligned “Saving Christmas” is oddly underrepresented, barely cracking the AV Club list, and not making the other lists at all. Even the latest “Transformers” movie, which topped one list and was runner up in another, totally missed the AV Club list of 20. The Rifftrax number 1, “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,” missed the AV Club and Rolling Stone lists. “Left Behind” consistently showed up in three of the lists, but missed the Rolling Stone ranking altogether. In another shock, “God’s Not Dead” only appears at #10 on the Rolling Stone list, and nowhere else.

I can’t express how astoundingly bizarre this is. I expected to see a significant difference between the Rifftrax list and the others, because Rifftrax was democratically run and open to the public, whereas the others were selected by critics. But the critics didn’t see any kind of agreement between them! We’re not even talking about minor gripes with the ordering: they are selecting entirely different movies!

All right, let’s see what another one says. TIME:

time

  1. Blended
  2. A Million Ways to Die in the West
  3. Men, Women & Children
  4. Walk of Shame
  5. Let’s Be Cops
  6. Legend of Hercules
  7. Winter’s Tale
  8. Nut Job
  9. Transcendence
  10. Hateship Loveship

Holy shit. Not only is there another different #1 worst movie (one that appeared on no other list, I might add), but 5 of 10 movies on the TIME list did not appear on any other list. You have to be kidding me.

Just for even more giggles, here is the Chicago Tribune list:

  1. Left Behind
  2. A Million Ways to Die in the West
  3. The Nut Job
  4. Horns
  5. And So it Goes
  6. The Identical
  7. Winter’s Tale
  8. Sex Tape
  9. Muppets Most Wanted
  10. Sin City: A Dame To Kill For

That is the first repeat top selection so far! However, there are also 4/10 that haven’t appeared on any of the other lists, so we aren’t making much progress there.

So, I’m going to try to come up with an aggregated “Worst Movies of 2014” out of these lists. First off, any film that only appears on one list is disqualified. That leaves me with the following 15 movies to rank:

  • A Million Ways to Die in the West
  • The Nut Job
  • Winter’s Tale
  • Left Behind
  • Sex Tape
  • Sin City: A Dame to Kill For
  • Transcendence
  • Amazing Spider Man 2
  • 3 Days To Kill
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turles
  • Transformers: Age of Extinction
  • Noah
  • Godzilla
  • Men, Women & Children
  • The Legend of Hercules

Now, I’m going to come up with a formula to decide the ranking. I’m thinking I am going to add together the Rotten Tomatoes review aggregate score, the Rotten Tomatoes audience score, and the IMDb score times 10 (it is on a 10 point scale normally, so this makes it out of 100). For each movie, that will give me X/300, and I will rank them from lowest to highest. Lets see what that looks like…

  1. The Legend of Hercules (79/300)
  2. Left Behind (86/300)
  3. Sex Tape (103/300)
  4. The Nut Job (113/300)
  5. Winter’s Tale (119/300)
  6. Transcendence (120/300)
  7. Transformers: Age of Extinction (130/300)
  8. 3 Days To Kill (135/300)
  9. *TIE* Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (136/300)
  10. *TIE* A Million Ways To Die In The West (136/300)
  11. Men, Women & Children (147/300)
  12. Sin City: A Dame To Kill For (158/300)
  13. Noah (181/300)
  14. Amazing Spider Man 2 (189/300)
  15. Godzilla (207/300)

Well, isn’t that interesting? Another new number 1 in “The Legend of Hercules,” but I am more interested in the higher numbers on this list. Those of you who are math-inclined may have noticed that the lower entries on here don’t have horrible scores: “Godzilla” has a 69%, which is damn near a “C”, and a passing grade however you cut it. “Amazing Spider Man 2” has a 63%, which isn’t good, but is certainly nowhere near the bottom for the whole year. For comparison, this scale gives “Saving Christmas” a 46/300, or a 15.3%, which is well lower than anything else on the list.

savingxmas2

I think the conclusion here is that 2014 is a year that we are all going to have to “agree to disagree” when it comes to movies. I’m personally very interested to see how this shakes out on the other end of the spectrum: a lot of people are expecting an equally competitive field in the “Best of 2014” category, which is going to be quite a firefight once awards season rolls around.

 

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