BibleMan: Lambasting The Legions of Laziness

Lambasting The Legions of Laziness

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Today, I’m continuing my week-long marathon of the Bibleman franchise as part of Secular Students Week. If you make a donation to the Secular Student Alliance this week, and I’ll cover a movie of your choice.

2008’s “Lambasting the Legions of Laziness” marks the fourth episode of the third and final incarnation of the Bibleman franchise: “Bibleman: Powersource.” Willie Aames’s replacement, Robert Schlipp, stars once again in the lead role of Bibleman.

“Lambasting the Legions of Laziness” is once again produced and directed by series regular Steve Gilreath, and written by Jeff Durham, who previously penned “Tuning Out The Unholy Hero.”

The primary villain of the episode is The Slacker, who looks like a wizard in pajamas. There is also a secondary villain, a robot named Gamemaster, who will pop back up in his own dedicated episode later on.

Bibleman is of course joined by his usual lineup of Bible Adventure Team allies: Cypher, Melody, and the newly reappointed Biblegirl.

The story follows The Slacker as he uses a magical lantern to cause members of Bibleman’s bible study group to become listless and unmotivated. Bibleman and company eventually realize something is wrong, but not until after they fall victim to his magic themselves. Of course, prayer manages to cure them (as it always does), and the team then goes after The Slacker.

The episode opens with Bibleman driving a race car, during which a guy in a cheap robot costume (Gamemaster) tries to assassinate him. Speaking of which, Gamemaster looks about as advanced as Sex Robot or the cardboard box outfits from “The Humans Are Dead” by Flight of the Conchords, and speaking in one of the laziest robot impersonation voices that you will ever hear.

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In true Bibleman fashion, Gamemaster is straight-up stabbed to death by the crusading hero, who clearly isn’t very big on mercy or the potential for redemption. Or, at least, not for robots.

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The main villain of the episode, The Slacker, features some of the worst aging makeup I have ever seen. Could they not have found an older man to play the part, as opposed to trying to transform a young guy? Even the fake beard looks embarrassingly awful, and those just can’t be all that hard to come by.

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I feel like this episode is vaguely anti-marijuana in its message, but without ever explicitly stating that. The Slacker’s demeanor and everyone’s behavior under his spell throughout the episode struck me as being what a fundamentalist Christian would imagine being stoned is like, which is pretty damn hilarious to me. That also means that this episodes marks yet another instance in the series where the villain blatantly drugs children, which is pretty creepy as far as tropes / motifs go.

Something that you might spot in the background of this episode is one of the Bibleman branded action figures. Specifically, a figure of El Furioso (“Conquering The Wrath of Rage”) is used as part of one of The Slacker’s devices, which Bibleman manages to defuse.

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In the end of the episode, Bibleman and company wind up defeating The Slacker, and hold him at the point of their laser swords. The Slacker makes the reasonable inquiry as to what they are going to do with him, which may very well have saved his life, judging from Bibleman’s murderous track record. However, the outcome is ultimately kind of creepy. Here is how it plays out:

The Slacker: “So tell me, Bibleman, what are you planning to do with me?”

Bibleman: “I think you need a long vacation. I’ll even buy you a one-way ticket.”

There is then an immediate cut to the following image:

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That sure does raise a lot of questions, doesn’t it? Now, i don’t think it is unreasonable to assume that “The Bad Place” is Hell. However, when someone gets a “one-way ticket” to Hell, that usually means they have been quite thoroughly murdered. Also, how exactly is this package supposed to be delivered to “The Bad Place,” regardless of whether it is Hell or anywhere else? That just isn’t specific enough at all, and I’m pretty sure, theologically speaking, there aren’t a whole lot of people out there who believe that Hell has a deliverable postal address. In any case, I believe that The Slacker pops up in the series finale, so he managed to survive his “one-way ticket” to “The Bad Place.”

“Lambasting the Legions of Laziness” isn’t one of the stronger entries into the franchise, and I personally think that the villain is one of the dullest and least interesting. I mean, there is only so much you can do with a villain centered around sloth, so I guess they did what they could. Still, the story is unremarkable, and the makeup on The Slacker is distractingly terrible, and there aren’t really enough highlights to make the experience of watching through the episode worth it.

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