Tag Archives: b-movies

God Told Me To

April 6, 2015 Gordon Maples 9 Comments

God Told Me To

Today’s feature is a surreal and somewhat obscure feature by b-movie icon Larry Cohen: “God Told Me To.”

“God Told Me To” was written and directed by Larry Cohen, one of my favorite figures in the b-movie world. He is probably best known for “It’s Alive,” but is also responsible for “The Stuff,” the “Maniac Cop” franchise, “Phone Booth,” and the blaxploitation classic “Black Caesar,” among many others.

The effects on “God Told Me To” were provided by first-timer Steve Neill, who went on to work special effects on movies like “Puppet Master,” “The Stuff,” “Saturday the 14th,” and “Laserblast.”

“God Told Me To” was photographed by a man named Paul Glickman, who worked with Larry Cohen again in the 1980s on a handful of later films (“The Stuff,” “Perfect Strangers,” and “Special Effects”).

The music for “God Told Me To” was provided by Frank Cordell, and was his last film composition before his death in 1980. The music was initially slated to be provided by the legendary Bernard Hermann after he finished on “Taxi Driver,” but he tragically died of a heart attack immediately after completing that film’s score.

The cast of “God Told Me To” was led by Tony Lo Bianco, Richard Lynch, Sylvia Sidney, Sandy Dennis, Deborah Raffin, and Robert Drivas. Interestingly, Andy Kaufman briefly appears in his first film role, surprisingly as one of the killers.

The story of “God Told Me To” centers around an investigation into a series of perplexing murders, in which the killers all claim to have been instructed by God. A particularly religious detective attempts to dig up the bizarre roots of what he convinces himself are cult-motivated murders, in an attempt to prevent any more killings.

“God Told Me To” was also released under a couple of alternate titles, including “Demon” and “God Told Me To Kill,” though it is most widely known and recognized by the original title. I personally prefer “God Told Me To Kill,” but I am willing to bet that that title wasn’t going to fly for the theatrical release.

One particularly surreal sequence of “God Told Me To” depicting an alien abduction (yes, the plot involves aliens by the end) features footage pulled from the 1970s British Sci-Fi series “Space: 1999.”

“God Told Me To” was clearly made on a minimal budget, but it looks pretty impressive considering. I wasn’t able to dig up any box office or budget information on the film, but apparently it was not financially successful or well-received upon its initial release. However, it has certainly gained a good deal of cult popularity over the years, particularly within the horror community. It was recently named as #94 on list of the 100 greatest horror movies on TimeOut.com, based on voting from an assortment of horror professionals (including Simon Pegg and Roger Corman, reportedly).

“God Told Me To” was, as mentioned, not well received when it was initially released in theaters. It currently holds Rotten Tomatoes ratings of 55% (audience) and 75% (critic), as well as an IMDb score of 6.3.

“God Told Me To” is without a doubt a very weird movie that goes in odd directions, and is anything but predictable. Reviews I have seen almost always cite the ending and various revelations as confusing, but nonetheless inventive. It seems like only a very particular niche of viewers are going to enjoy this film, just because of where the surreal plot ultimately goes.

Roger Ebert wrote a particularly scathing review that took shots at both the screenplay and the editing on “God Told Me To”:

“This is the most confused feature-length film I’ve ever seen…There were times when I thought the projectionist was showing the reels in random order…a sort of 52-card pick-up of cinema.”

I personally think that the way the film is put together fits with the way the story becomes increasingly surreal as the plot goes on, and that Ebert was a bit more than unfair with his treatment of the film. The review is brief, but it is clear from the outset that he went in expecting to hate the movie, and that the experimental aspects of its construction didn’t work for him. I agree about his assessment of the cult leader character though, and thought they could have done a better job with him. He should have been something more than “a hippie who glowed yellow,” which I didn’t think carried the gravity that it should have.

For fans of Larry Cohen’s earlier works, it is easy to see little bits of influence from his blaxsploitation movies in the details of “God Told Me To,” particularly in the inclusion of a flamboyant, extortionist gangster. Cohen’s films “Black Caesar” and “Hell Up In Harlem” are seen as near-essentials of the sub-genre, and are certainly worth looking into.

The opening sniper sequence of “God Told Me To” reminded me of another movie called “Targets,” Peter Bogdanovich’s first film made in 1968. The movie similarly centers around a spree killing, and features some similar shots of sniping. It has been on my radar for a while now, and may very well pop up on the blog for a review sooner or later.

Overall, I liked “God Told Me To,” though not as much as I thought I would going into it. The movie loses most of its coherence towards the end, which doesn’t necessarily have to happen with a surreal storyline if you ask me, but usually does. The film also loses some steam after a really strong opening hook and first act, but I thought that the ending was ultimately satisfying after a little bit of dragging in the middle.

I can definitely recommend “God Told Me To” for fans of Larry Cohen’s other works, as well as for hardcore horror folks in general. I will say that it may be a bit weird for general audiences, and it is also a bit of a slow burn pacing-wise, with an atmospheric style that won’t resonate with a lot of people. I see this movie as a curiosity that is understandably obscure, and it is certainly not as fun or light-hearted as some of the later, more memorable Cohen movies. That said, it is arguably Cohen’s best film. If the bizarre plot doesn’t turn you off, I recommend giving it a shot.

(Plot)opsy Podcast, Stuart Gordon Spotlight

Plotopsy Podcast #9 – Re-Animator

April 2, 2015 Gordon Maples 11 Comments

Re-Animator

Welcome back to the (Plot)opsy Podcast! It has been a while since the last episode due to some technical issues, but now the show has been appropriately brought back to life! On this episode, I go into some fun facts and trivia about Stuart Gordon’s cult classic debut feature, “Re-Animator.” It is pretty fascinating how the combination of an experienced stage director, an out of print story, and some creative frugality can make for such a memorable classic of horror! I recommend checking out my text review of the movie from last month if you find yourself wanting more.

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Ninja III: The Domination

April 1, 2015 Gordon Maples 10 Comments

Ninja III: The Domination

Today’s feature is the third and final movie in the Cannon ninja trilogy, and is a truly bizarre one at that: “Ninja III: The Domination.”

“Ninja III” was written by James R. Silke, who returned to the series after writing the predecessor, “Revenge of the Ninja.” Likewise, director Sam Firstenberg and effects artist Joe Quinlivan of “Revenge of the Ninja” returned for “Ninja III: The Domination.”

The cinematography for “Ninja III: The Domination” was provided by Hanania Baer, who later worked on films such as “American Ninja,” “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo,” and “Masters of the Universe.”

The music for “Ninja III: The Domination” marks a sharp departure from the previous two films in the series. Instead of the usual martial arts movie soundtrack, “Ninja III” is infused with catchy tunes modeled after 1980s pop music. The music composition is credited to Misha Segal (“The Last Dragon”) and Udi Harpaz (“Knight Rider,” “Archer”), and the score was orchestrated by Arthur Kempel (“Mystery Men,” “Behind Enemy Lines”).

“Ninja III: The Domination” is the third installment in the Cannon ninja trilogy (after “Enter the Ninja” and “Revenge of the Ninja”), and is yet another brainchild of the Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus tandem: the two Israeli cousins who ran Cannon films throughout the 1980s. “Ninja III” is certainly the strangest of the three movies, incorporating supernatural elements such as a possession into the story.

The cast of “Ninja III” once again features Sho Kosugi, but this time in more of a supporting role. The real lead of the movie is played by Lucinda Dickey in just her third film role after appearing as an extra in “Grease 2” and starring in Cannon Films’s “Breakin'”. Outside of appearing in the infamous “Breakin'” sequel and a movie called “Bloody Pom Poms” in 1988, she has not taken any other credited acting roles. Veteran actor James Hong appears as the evil ninja which possesses Dickey’s character throughout most of the film, and has an incredibly memorable opening sequence: an assassination and battle with police on a golf course.

The story of “Ninja III: The Domination” follows an electrical worker and fitness junkie who, by happenstance, becomes possessed by the spirit of a malevolent ninja who wishes to enact revenge on the police officers who killed him. After an exorcism fails, a rival ninja is found who believes that he can free her from the evil ninja spirit.

Apparently, the arcade cabinet that appears in Dickey’s bedroom is a prototype for “Bouncer,” which was never mass produced and is now extremely rare (if not impossible) to find.

“Ninja III: The Domination” was featured on a ninja-themed episode of RedLetterMedia’s “Best of the Worst” series, alongside “Lethal Ninja” and “Ninja Warriors.” It wound up losing out to “Lethal Ninja,” but did receive one vote for “Best of the Worst” from the panel of 5.

To the credit of “Ninja III,” it certainly tried to mix up the formula from the previous two movies, and brought something new to the table without totally losing the spirit of the series. Unfortunately, the things that is brought to the table (pop music and aerobics) didn’t make a whole lot of sense. But still, the movie deserves points for the effort.

Speaking of which, “Ninja III” feels a little more like an exploitation movie than the previous two movies in the series, particularly in the sense that there is a whole lot more sexual showcasing in the shots. That said, there also seems to be significantly less violence and gore than the previous flicks, which I found kind of confusing for a movie that should be focused on ninja-related violence.

I think it is fair to say that “Ninja III” is the least beloved of the Cannon ninja trilogy, primarily because of the numerous bizarre creative decisions that deviated from the ninja movie formula people were accustomed to. It currently holds a less-than-positive 4.8 on IMDb from a few thousand voting members.

“Ninja III: The Domination” managed to gross nearly $8 million on an undisclosed (but undoubtedly small) budget, which I imagine made it at least moderately successful for Cannon. While it did not receive a sequel, Cannon continued to make ninja movies with the “American Ninja” franchise.

As far as criticisms go, there are certainly plenty to spread around. The acting and writing are predictably awful, but there are at least a few thoroughly entertaining sequences in the film, such as the golf course opening and the possessions scenes. My biggest issues with the movie are less about quality, and more about entertainment value. For instance, why isn’t there more Sho Kosugi in the movie? There just isn’t quite enough ninja action going on, and he could certainly have helped provide more of it. As it stands, Sho’s character almost seems like an afterthought given how little screen time he is given. As far as the writing goes, the love story in the movie is beyond preposterous, and the cop love interest comes off as creepy, stalkerish, and generally icky.

As far as the things I did like in this film, the sheer ridiculousness of the premise has to go way up there. Giving ninjas supernatural abilities to possess, hypnotize, and cause earthquakes (?!?) is just astounding. I also kind of love the excessively 1980s soundtrack, which all sound like songs that could come straight out of “Jem.”

Overall, “Ninja III” is a pretty entertaining movie, but is certainly the weak link of the trilogy in terms of quality. The story and the highlights make it more than watchable, but it is probably a better use of time to surf around on YouTube to find the good parts rather than sitting through the whole thing.

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Robert Z’Dar: 1950-2015

April 1, 2015 Gordon Maples Leave a comment

It was announced yesterday that b-movie actor Robert Z’Dar died Monday night. His career included countless entertaining b-movies, so I wanted to provided a brief retrospective here in the form of some trailers. Well wishes to all of his loved ones and friends, and may his unforgettable performances and jaw live on indefinitely in his films.

Maniac Cop

Maniac Cop II

Maniac Cop 3: Badge of Silence

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Revenge of the Ninja

March 31, 2015 Gordon Maples 9 Comments

Revenge of the Ninja

The next feature up is the second installment in the Cannon ninja trilogy: “Revenge of the Ninja.”

“Revenge of the Ninja” was written by James R. Silke, who, along with director Sam Firstenberg, would return for the final installment in the Cannon ninja trilogy: the bizarre supernatural “Ninja III: The Domination.”

Initially, Menahem Golan intended to direct “Revenge of the Ninja” just as he did with “Enter the Ninja,” but instead gave the project to Firstenberg, who would go on direct the first two “American Ninja” movies and the infamous “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo” for Cannon.

The effects on “Revenge of the Ninja,” which are a step up in quality from the previous film “Enter the Ninja,” were provided by Joe Quinlivan, who would go on to work on larger budget movies like “Face/Off,” “Tombstone,” and “Robocop 2.” He also interestingly provided effects for a movie I have previously covered, the bizarre incest drama “House of Yes.” He also returned for “Ninja III: The Domination” to close out the Cannon ninja trilogy.

The cinematography was provided once again by David Gurfinkel, one of the few returning elements in “Revenge of the Ninja” carried over from “Enter the Ninja.” Gurfinkel managed to rack up nearly 90 film credits over his career, spanning from the 1960s into the 2010s, primarily on low-budget B-movies.

The music was once again provided by the “Enter the Ninja” duo of W. Michael Lewis and Laurin Rinder, with the notable addition of one Robert J. Walsh. Walsh went on to provide music for countless cartoon shows in the late 80s (“Jem,” “GI Joe,” “My Little Pony,” “Muppet Babies”), as well as some off-the-wall documentaries (“UFO: The Greatest Story Ever Denied”) and b-movies (“Leprechaun,” “Nightbeast,” “Zombie Nation”).

“Enter the Ninja” was one of the first films to come out of Cannon after its acquisition by the Israeli cousins Menahem Goram and Yoram Globus, who led the company into a sort of renaissance of b-pictures and knock-offs from 1980 to 1994. The names “Goram and Globus” are now instantly synonymous with their low-budget 1980s movies, many of which have become treasured cult classics (including the ninja trilogy, which began with “Enter the Ninja”).

“Revenge of the Ninja,” the second in the Cannon ninja trilogy, came two years following the success of “Enter the Ninja.” Despite having no story or character overlap, “Revenge of the Ninja” is widely regarded as a sequel in a spiritual sense, capturing the same ambiance and style of “Enter the Ninja,” and featuring a handful of returning elements in the cast and crew.

The cast of “Revenge of the Ninja” features one key returning member of the “Enter the Ninja” cast: Sho Kosugi. Whereas he played the rival ninja in “Enter,” “Revenge” places him in the sympathetic lead role, which he really thrives in. He’s also a slightly more believable ninja that Franco Nero, which is quite the understatement. Kane Kosugi and Shane Kosugi, Sho’s actual children, play his character’s young boys in the movie. Not to get too far into spoiler territory, but Kane gets a significantly greater amount of screen-time than his brother.

The story of “Revenge of the Ninja,” predictably enough, centers around a ninja who is out for revenge. The opening of the film shows Sho Kosugi’s family being murdered by a group of presumably rival ninjas, which leads him to flee to the United States with his mother and sole surviving child for the sake of their safety. A friend gives him an art gallery stateside for him to make a living, and Sho practices pacifism for years as his child begins to grow up. It is ultimately revealed that the gallery is not what it appears to be, and that the friend is not to be trusted. After some violent shenanigans, the titular ninja-related revenge kicks into high gear for an amazing shuriken-packed conclusion.

The initial theatrical and home video release of “Revenge of the Ninja” featured a number of cuts to tone down the explicit violence. However, the versions that are available now are uncut, with some of the more gore-y, blood-splattering sequences restored.

“Revenge of the Ninja” was filmed almost entirely in Salt Lake City, a very significant departure from the tropical, Philippines setting of the previous film. Unsurprisingly, this wasn’t done for any artistic decision on the part of Golan and Globus: rather, they chose Salt Lake City specifically because the Utah Film Commission reportedly promised no permits, location fees or union deals for the production.

Perhaps the most memorable sequence of the film is the brutal prologue, in which Sho Kosugi’s family is slaughtered in their home. Amazingly, this sequence was apparently not initially in the script: instead, it was added in after Menahem Globus found the story to be lacking in depth after shooting began.

The fans of “Revenge of the Ninja” vary from 1980s nostalgics to die hard martial arts movie fans to those who enjoy “good-bad” flicks. It is probably the best reviewed of the Cannon ninja trilogy, which really isn’t saying much: it hold a 6.0 on IMDb and a 58% audience rating on Rotten Tomatoes. That said, it is still undoubtedly a cult classic with plenty of die hard fans.

“Revenge of the Ninja” has pretty much everything you would expect from a ninja movie: awful acting across the board, ridiculous physics (catching an arrow with your teeth?), and some excellent ninja fighting action. The finale once again features a one-on-one battle to the death, but this time it occurs on city rooftops. It isn’t quite as memorable as the cockfighting ring in “Enter the Ninja,” but there is a good deal of it that occurs on a tennis court, which is pretty awesome.

One of the criticisms of “Enter the Ninja” that I have seen a lot is about the impracticality of Nero’s all-white ninja suit. In “Revenge of the Ninja,” both the good and bad ninjas wear black, which is honestly a bit confusing. It might make more sense, but it is a little too easy to lose track of who is who. I’m not going to say that a white suit is the way to go, but there are certainly ways to distinguish ninja uniforms from each other.

One of the most infamous events in “Revenge of the Ninja” occurs in the prologue, in which Sho Kosugi catches three arrows out of mid-air (the last with his teeth). This sequence almost certainly influenced a “MythBusters” episode in which the gang tested whether it was realistically possible to catch an arrow mid-flight.

One issue I had with this film is that the passage of time between the prologue and the main story seems off. It is shown that Sho’s gallery has not yet opened as the story begins to unfold, while his child is shown to be in elementary school. However, in the prologue, the surviving child is still a baby. It seemed heavily implied that Sho and his surviving family moved immediately after the events of the prologue, which leaves a good amount of time (enough for a baby to become a young child) missing. I might have just missed a detail on my initial watch, but it certainly stuck out to me. Given the prologue was added in later, it seems entirely possible to me that this was just a continuity oversight.

One thing that “Revenge of the Ninja” lacks are colorful antagonists. The rival in “Revenge” isn’t particularly memorable, and doesn’t have understandable goals, outside of wanting to be wealthy and powerful. He is also a very straight villain, and doesn’t do a whole lot of hamming it up, which is what I always want from this sort of movie.

Overall, this is a thoroughly enjoyable ninja movie, and is very much deserving of the cult status it has accrued. Sho Kosugi is awesome to watch, and the film is worth checking out on his merits alone for ninja movie fans. Bad movie lovers will love the awful acting, the silly plot, and the special effects, not to mention the genuinely entertaining fight scenes. As for general audiences, this is probably as good as any ninja movie for breaking someone into the genre, and it manages to keep up a steady pace better than most of its peer flicks.

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Enter The Ninja

March 30, 2015 Gordon Maples 14 Comments

Enter The Ninja

Today’s feature is a true cult classic, and the first installment in the infamous Cannon Group ninja trilogy: “Enter The Ninja.”

The story of “Enter the Ninja” was originated by Mike Stone, who was initially intended to play the lead in the movie. Ultimately, he acted as the film’s stunt coordinator and Franco Nero’s double after it was discovered that he wasn’t particularly good at acting. The screenplay credit is given to a man named Dick Desmond, who notably has no other writing credits.

“Enter the Ninja” was directed by one of the heads of Cannon Films, Menahem Golan. Initially, he was only slated to produce the flick, but ended up firing the original director, Emmett Alston, after only a handful of days of shooting.

The music on “Enter the Ninja” was provided by the team of W. Michael Lewis and Laurin Rinder, who previously worked together on the holiday-themed horror movie “New Year’s Evil.” Both returned to work together again on “Revenge of the Ninja,” the second in the Cannon ninja trilogy.

The special effects for “Enter the Ninja” were provided by Ben Otico, who worked as an art director and special effects technician on a number of exploitation films throughout the 1970s and 1980s, including “Women in Cages,” “Black Mamba,” and “She Devils in Chains.”

David Gurfinkel served as director of photography for the film, a fellow who would go on to work on such treasures as Sylvester Stallone’s “Over The Top,” “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III,” “America 3000,” and “American Samurai.” His previous credit to “Enter the Ninja” was another notorious Cannon film also helmed by Menahem Golan, the bizarre musical “The Apple.” He also returned for the second film in the ninja trilogy, 1983’s “Revenge of the Ninja.”

Franco Nero, who is best remembered as the original Django, was brought in at the last minute to star as the film’s lead. Because of his character’s American background, all of his dialogue was ultimately dubbed over. Sho Kosugi stars as Nero’s rival (the black ninja) in his first major film role, and is one of the only elements to remain throughout the Cannon ninja trilogy. Sho was also notably a real martial artist, and not only performed his own stunts, but also filled in as an extra ninja during the movie’s opening sequence. The main bad guy of the film is played by Christopher George (“Fantasy Island”), who unfortunately died just a couple of years later in his early 50s. Susan George (“Straw Dogs”) plays Nero’s love interest and inevitable kidnapping victim in the movie. The accessory cast includes Zachi Noy, Constantine Gregory, and Michael Dudikoff in a minor background role, who would later star in a film greatly influence by “Enter The Ninja”: “American Ninja.”

The story of “Enter the Ninja” follows an American war veteran who travels to Japan to master ninjitsu. After completing his training, he decides to visit a companion from his military days in the Philippines, which winds up entangling him in a bloody local conflict with a criminal land developer.

“Enter the Ninja” was filmed almost entirely on location in the Philippines, which pitted the cast and crew against oppressive natural elements: namely the weather and a variety of exotic animals. Further, the combination of nationalities in the cast and crew meant that at least three languages were regularly used on set, creating a peculiar communication situation.

“Enter the Ninja” received its title, predictably, because of the massive popularity of the 1973 Bruce Lee move “Enter the Dragon,” which was a significant financial success.

The memorable final ninja battle of “Enter the Ninja” was filmed in an actual cock-fighting arena located in the Philippines, which provides a spectacular and symbolic backdrop for an epic one-on-one battle to the death.

The nine levels of power featured in “Enter the Ninja” are a form of kuji, which are mantras used as a sort of meditation practice. The specific ones featured in the film were written about by the American ninjutsu master Stephen K. Hayes in his book “Warrior Ways of Enlightenment.”

“Enter the Ninja” is undoubtedly a cult classic among martial arts movies, and beloved by many. That said, it is also very much a low quality movie that didn’t exactly pop up on critics’ radars. It currently holds a somewhat harsh 4.9 rating on IMDb, which doesn’t accurately represent how treasured the film. Still, it is hard to argue that the film is “good” in any conventional sense of the term.

I wasn’t able to dig up any financial details on “Enter the Ninja,” but presumably it made a significant amount of money on a rather low budget, given its popularity and the eventual sequels.

“Enter the Ninja” is certainly deserving of a lot of criticism. Why does Nero wear an entirely white ninja outfit, when the entire point of the art is stealth? It was certainly a decision made for the case of style over common sense, but it is no less preposterous for it. The film is also rife with continuity errors, awful acting, and the (of course) distracting dubbing over Franco Nero’s lines. Even the casting of Franco Nero to begin with was a baffling decision made more for convenience than sensibility: he was brought in only because he was in the area, and Golan needed an actor to fill in the lead role after Stone proved to be a truly awful actor. Speaking of which, how bad must Stone have been that having an entirely dubbed-over Franco Nero was a better option?

Personally, there were a lot of things that I liked about this movie. I particularly love the primary villain death via ninja star, which ends in a sort of confused shrug that has become infamous. The final Sho/Nero fight scene in the cockfighting ring is also pretty fantastic and entertaining to watch. Even the secondary villains are fun and unique: the hook-handed enforcer is immensely entertaining, as is the excessively polite and proper Mr. Parker. For all of the issues with the film, there are a whole lot of memorable moments and characters that have stuck with me.

Overall, I think this movie is a whole lot of fun, though it may very well be the least entertaining of the Cannon ninja trilogy. I think that statement is more of a credit to the sequels than it is a discredit to “Enter the Ninja,” but I suppose that is very much up to interpretation. In any case, this is definitely worth watching for martial arts movie fans or bad movie aficionados. If multi-colored ninja battles and awful acting are up your alley, this is a flick worth checking out.

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The Return of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

March 27, 2015 Gordon Maples 5 Comments

The Return of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Next up is one of the most loathed horror sequels in history: 1994’s “The Return of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” which was later retitled “Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation” for home video release.

“The Return of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” was written and directed by Kim Henkel, who co-wrote the original “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” with Tobe Hooper, who is notably absent from involvement with this film.

The cinematography on “The Return of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” was provided by Levie Isaacks, who has worked on films such as “Leprechaun”and “The Dentist.”

The special effects on the film were provided by a handful of folks, including J.M. Logan (“The Dentist,” “I Know Who Killed Me”) and Andy Cockrum (“Sin City: A Dame To Kill For,” “Spy Kids 2”).

The cast of “The Return of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” features a number of familiar faces, not the least of which are Matthew McConaughey and Renee Zellweger, who both appear before they saw significant success. Robert Jacks takes over in the famous role of Leatherface, and was the fourth person to play the character in as many movies. He had very little experience as an actor, appearing only briefly in Richard Linklater’s “Slacker” a handful of years earlier. Unfortunately, this was his last acting credit, as he died in 2001 at the age of 41. Interestingly, he also composed the music for the film.

The story of “The Return of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” centers around a handful of high school students who become stranded in rural Texas. As you would expect, they wind up on the wrong side of an eccentric family of sinister killers, who begin hunting them down one by one.

“The Return of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” received two limited theatrical releases in 1995 and 1997, barely grossing $180,000 combined. The budget was low (estimated around $600,000), but the very low gross and limited release was undoubtedly a disappointment. Reception to the film was incredibly negative: it currently holds an 18% audience score and a 17% critic score on Rotten Tomatoes, along with a 3.0 rating on IMDb.

Criticisms of the movie often mention the performances as one of the key issues, particularly on the part of McConaughey. Personally, I thought that his performance teetered precariously between being genuinely intense and astoundingly hammy, but I thought that it kind of worked for the character. Renee Zellweger, on the other hand, is just kind of awful. Then again, all of the actors had to deal with the writing on this movie, which was at best incomprehensible.

I think that a lot of criticisms of this movie make a bit too much fuss over Leatherface, or at least for the wrong reasons. He certainly isn’t intimidating in this movie, which was a serious misstep, but I didn’t think that it had anything to do with the fact that he was in drag. He could easily still have been intimidating regardless of the wardrobe: the problem was with the character’s writing, which had his spending most of his screen-time cowering and wailing.

I saw an interesting argument online that “The Return of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” is an early example of ‘meta-horror,’ in the same vein of “Cabin In The Woods” or “Scream.” There are a handful of lines early on that seem excessively prescient, but I didn’t think that it went much beyond that. Even the Illuminati twist doesn’t quite go far enough for ‘meta-horror’ case to hold much water for me. Interestingly, “Return” did release in the same year as Wes Craven’s “New Nightmare,” which could be considered the first ‘meta-horror’ film.

There are notably a lot of attempts to repeat shots from the original “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” in “Return,” which clearly rubbed many faithful fans in the wrong way. The story also ties into the original film loosely with the final shot, despite seemingly discounting the rest of the franchise’s history and continuity. Worse yet, the film lacks the artistic and tense cinematography of the original, coming off as a very cheap (if not bankrupt) knock-off of what is a treasured classic in the minds of many.

For reasons I am not entirely clear on, “Return of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” drifts by design into the realm of comedy on more than one occasion. There are plenty of horror movies out there that have pulled this off effectively, but the “Texas Chainsaw” franchise has never been among them, which makes the movie all the more perplexing.

The ending of this movie is very strange, to say the least, and is probably the most complained about element of the film. Every major horror franchise seems to have at least one chapter that the world agrees to forget, for one reason or another. Remember Jason being a demon? Or Michael Myers being the result of an occult curse? Well, I’ll admit the “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” Slaughter family being involved with the Illuminati is weirder than those two examples, but still, I think that the point stands: “The Return of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” is the black sheep of this franchise, and they all have at least one.

Overall, “Return of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” was ill-conceived and poorly executed, resulting in a thoroughly baffling film experience. However, I think that it is also totally worth watching, particularly for bad movie fans. For no other reason, it is worth seeing McConaughey’s thoroughly over-the-top performance to appreciate just how far the guy has come since the dawn of his career.

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Lethal Ninja (1991)

March 25, 2015 Gordon Maples 2 Comments

Lethal Ninja (1991)

Today’s feature is the second movie I am covering with the redundant title of “Lethal Ninja,” this one being a convoluted 1991 ninja flick packed full of more nonsense than action.

“Lethal Ninja” was directed and written for the screen by Stefan Rudnicki, who notably served as the second unit director on the IMDb Bottom 100 feature “Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders.” The story is credited to someone named “Wes Martin,” who is not associated with the film on IMDb, and who I have not been able to find.

As far as the rest of the crew goes, the movie was produced by a man named Steve Rockmael, who worked as a producer on the first season of “Ancient Aliens,” and had costume design from Miye Matsumoto, who also worked on the “3 Ninjas” sequels (including “High Noon At Mega Mountain”). So far, the team has a pretty stellar collection of credits, right?

The original music on “Lethal Ninja” is credited to Jeff Lass, who is best known for his contributions to the soundtrack for 1990’s “Dick Tracy,” which was helmed by and starred Warren Beatty.

The story of “Lethal Ninja” centers around a city with a crime-riddled Chinatown, where a mysterious mercenary ninja named J.D. offers to solve the extreme gang problems off the books, and for a price.

The original title of the movie was “For Hire,” which makes a lot more sense with the plot. I’m not sure what the logic of the name change was, but “Lethal Ninja” has to be one of the most ridiculous titles they could have come up with. Personally, I would have gone with the best of both worlds: “Ninja For Hire.”

“Lethal Ninja” has an IMDb rating of 4.8, from less than 30 members of the IMDb voting base. That definitely makes this an obscure flick, though it has gotten a bit more exposure as of recently since it was featured on RedLetterMedia’s “Best of the Worst.”

The opening of “Lethal Ninja” starts with an inexplicable dance party inside of an empty apartment, which quickly leads to dance fighting over early 90s rap. The rap number, of course, features extensive choreography. It is one of the few moments in the film that absolutely must be seen, and immediately throws you into the chaos of the movie.

“Lethal Ninja” notably centers on one of the least believable ninjas in cinema history: a be-mulleted white dude with a flair for the dramatic played by David Heavener, who has spent his entire career in similar b-movie productions.

As is tradition with many low-budget productions, there are a number of notable shots where boom microphones hilariously enter the frame that failed to be re-shot. It makes for a fun little game to keep your eyes peeled on the top boundary of the screen for their unintentional cameos.

Perhaps the most notorious segment of “Lethal Ninja” occurs during a funeral, which features a thoroughly uninspiring eulogy, an attempted assassination by a gangster in drag, and a wheelchair flip.

Unfortunately, most of the fight choreography in “Lethal Ninja” is pretty uninteresting, and never much captures a sense of excitement. It makes what should be compelling scenes pretty slow, and drags down the overall pacing of the flick.

For reasons that are unclear to me, there are a number of awkward attempts at humor peppered into the script for “Lethal Ninja.” One of the most awful instances I can recall is a stilted one-liner, which the ninja uses after sneaking up on a handful of gang members:

“Excuse me boys and girls, there sure is a great view up here, but isn’t it past your bedtime?”

First off, that is a way too long and verbose for a one-liner, which should be short and snappy. Secondly, why on earth would a ninja ruin the element of surprise? Isn’t being stealthy part of the whole “ninja” concept?

“Lethal Ninja” features one child actor prominently on screen, who plays a young boy being trained and mentored by the ninja. The character winds up following him around for a good portion of the movie, theoretically providing comic relief. Surprisingly, he isn’t particularly awful, which took me aback. For a movie like this, the fact that they wound up with a not-abysmal child actor is astoundingly unlikely.

The acting in “Lethal Ninja” is really a mixed bag: most of the villains play their roles very straight, never getting particularly hammy (which is really a shame). I’m still undecided on Heavener, who has some thoroughly awkward line deliveries, but mostly sells the character. The majority of the cast is pretty awful, but rarely in a way that is entertaining.

There is one incredibly terrible sex scene in the movie featuring one of the main bad guys, which features the large hairy man repeating “obey me” with a thoroughly unsettling look on his face. I wouldn’t call it a highlight, but it is impossible not to comment on.

Arguably the central villain for most of the movie is a former friend of J.D.’s named Miles, who almost rivals him in terms of ridiculous hairstyles and fashion sense. He’s probably the most entertaining villain in regards of his scenes and dialogue, but he also has what was easily the worst fight scene in the movie. At one point, Miles and J.D. battle in a park, awkwardly climbing trees and parrying each other until they decide to bow and go their separate ways. The whole sequence feels totally unnecessary, and is very dull to watch unfold.

Overall, “Lethal Ninja” is a very slow movie with only a few highlight moments (gang meditation and a car bomb plot, for instance), and isn’t particularly easy to follow. The poor sound quality makes dialogue difficult to understand, and the plot is convoluted and packed with characters to start with. That said, the highlight moments are definitely big highlights, and arguably are worth sitting through the rest of the movie for. There are some more entertainingly awful ninja movies out there, but this one will certainly work if that is what you are craving.

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Lethal Ninja (1992)

March 23, 2015 Gordon Maples 5 Comments

Lethal Ninja (1992)

lethalninja921

Welcome back to Misan[trope]y Movie Blog! Today’s feature is the first of two movies I will be spotlighting with the inherently redundant title of “Lethal Ninja.”

“Lethal Ninja” was directed by Yossi Wein (under the pseudonym Joseph Wein), and was his first directorial work. He has gone on to direct features such as “Death Train,” “Octopus 2: River of Fear,” and “Cyborg Cop III” over the years, staying firmly within the realm of b-movies. Wein has primarily acted as a cinematographer in his career, working on films like “American Ninja 4” and “Cyborg Cop.” Given his experience, he also provided the cinematography for “Lethal Ninja” instead of having a separate set of eyes for the job.

The screenplay for “Lethal Ninja” was penned by Chris Dresser, who curiously only has two theatrical writing credits: one for “Lethal Ninja” in 1992, and another for a movie called “Rogue Lion” from a solid 20 years earlier. What he did in the meantime is anyone’s guess.

“Lethal Ninja” was one of the first productions by Danny Lerner, who would go on to produce films as varied as “Shark Attack 3: Megalodon,” “Olympus Has Fallen,” “The Legend of Hercules,” and the sequels to “The Expendables” before his recent death in March of 2015. He manged to accumulate nearly 100 producing credits over his career, which consisted primarily of b-movies and low-budget features.

The cast of “Lethal Ninja” in packed full of anonymous b-movie players, led by one Ross Kettle as an American ninja named Joe Ford. The story follows Ninja Joe on a journey to a hostile African nation, where is archaeologist wife has been kidnapped by a crime organization. For reasons that aren’t entirely clear to me, he decides to take a sidekick along with him, who shockingly manages to live through the entire movie.

lethalninja922 — “Bullshit, there is no way I live through this”

“Lethal Ninja” currently holds a 3.2 score on IMDb, which is hardly a glowing endorsement. However, most of the reviews I have seen recognize that this is at least an entertaining movie for what it is, but I don’t think anyone denies the low quality of the work.

Personally, I feel like “Lethal Ninja” is far from unoriginal, and deserves some credit for that. Many people specifically remember the “roller blades” sequence, which I actually didn’t hate. It was just about the only action sequence in the whole movie that looked any good, outside of the final battle on top of an oil tower (and even that was pretty limited). That said, this movie is very aware of what it is: mindless ninja action. And, thankfully, it mostly delivers. However, the movie isn’t particularly memorable overall, despite the roller-blading and a pretty hammy villain.

If you know that ninja movies are your thing, then “Lethal Ninja” isn’t going to disappoint you. However, I am kind of mixed on whether to recommend this to other audiences: there are definitely better / more entertaining ninja flicks out there, but this one isn’t awful. The one that I absolutely recommend is watching the roller-blading sequence, which I promise makes no more sense in the context of the film.

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Slipstream (2005)

March 19, 2015 Gordon Maples 5 Comments

Slipstream (2005)

Today’s review is on a little known 2005 time travel bank heist movie, and the second feature I’m spotlighting with the title of “Slipstream.”

“Slipstream” was directed by David van Eyssen, who interestingly doesn’t have any other directorial film credits. The writers, Phillip Badger and Louis Morneau, worked together previously on the 1997 film “Retroactive,” and each have a handful of credits to their names. Morneau in particular might be best known for directing the 1999 bomb, “Bats.”

The cinematography on “Slipstream” was provided by Sonke Hansen, a cinematographer and camera operator who has worked on films such as “Enemy At The Gates,” “Cloud Atlas,” and “Ninja Assassin.”

The special effects for “Slipstream,” which are somewhat extensive, were overseen by Mickey Kirsten. Kirsten has a solid handful of special effects credits since 2000, including work on “The Constant Gardener” and “Chronicle.”

The “Slipstream” score was provided by one Rob Lord, who primarily provides music for video games (“Just Cause,” “Just Cause 2”) and a handful of television documentaries.

The cast of “Slipstream” is headlined by Sean Astin (“The Lord of the Rings”) and Vinnie Jones (“The Midnight Meat Train,” “Snatch”), who each play their usual character types of a timid hero and a heavy, respectively. Most of the acting weight of the movie falls on the two of them, as well as Ivana Milicevic (“Vanilla Sky”), who rounds out the minimal central cast.

The story of “Slipstream” centers around Sean Astin’s character: a scientist who has helped develop a limited time travel device. In a baffling act that defies any kind of sense, he absconds with the device in order to flirt with a local bank teller, which apparently required time travel for him to pull off. The complication occurs when the bank is robbed by Vinnie Jones during Astin’s awful courting attempt, which rapidly snowballs into tragedy and subsequent time travel shenanigans.

“Slipstream” currently holds a score of 4.6 on IMDb, along with Rotten Tomatoes ratings of 34% (audience) and 0% (critics). Each score pulls from a relatively small sample size, but all of them are well into the negatives no matter how you cut it.

While the special effects in “Slipstream” aren’t awful, especially given what I assume was a small budget, there are certainly a lot of overdone elements. In particular, there is an excess of slow motion sequences throughout the film, which are typically used to indicate the activation of the time travel device. However, it does become quite repetitive after it is used a couple of times.

The character writing in “Slipstream” is pretty far from fantastic. In particular, Astin’s character struck me as a total creep as opposed to just an awkward protagonist, which makes it harder to relate to him as the lead. There is also an attempt to get the audience to feel for Vinnie Jones’s villain character, which doesn’t make much sense given how ruthless and murderous he is throughout the story. It doesn’t help that the attempts to characterize him are pretty shallow, specifically through some awkwardly artificial banter between him and his partner about various crime movies.

Personally, I feel like this movie would have been better if it never left the bank building, or at least not until the last act. The audience and characters don’t get much time to relate to the surroundings, which is usually one of the most fun aspects of time travel films. Instead of playing with the possibilities of the bank setting and the events of the robbery, the story winds up in a real rush to get away from the premise, which leads to it getting a bit off the rails. There is a reason this isn’t as highly regarded as films like “Run Lola Run” or “Groundhog Day.”

Perhaps the biggest issue with “Slipstream” is that the aspirations for the story exceeded the budget that was available to the team. While the effects aren’t bad for the money involved, the movie as a whole would have dramatically benefited from higher quality work. The whole movie just looks and feels cheaper than the interesting concept justifies. This isn’t just limited to the effects, either: but the casting, directing, and dialogue all seem to be stuck in the same boat.

Overall, “Slipstream” is a bit of a disappointment given the interesting premise. The trailer is frankly far more interesting than the movie itself. That said, despite all of the flaws with it, this is probably one of the better television science fiction movies from the era, and is a welcome change of pace from the various hybrid monster movies and “Lake Placid” sequels that were popping up at the time.

As far as a recommendation goes, this doesn’t quite fall into the realm of “good-bad.” It also isn’t anywhere near good, landing decidedly in the realm of mediocre. I don’t think it quite merits the low ratings it has, but it certainly doesn’t earn an overall positive score in my book. I’d generally advise skipping it, unless you are just a huge fan of time travel stories.

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