Monthly Archives: November 2015

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Iron Eagle

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Iron Eagle

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Today’s feature is a 1986 aerial combat flick that isn’t Top Gun: the oft-forgotten Iron Eagle.

Iron Eagle was co-written and directed by Sidney J. Furie, whose other credits include Superman IV: The Quest For Peace, Iron Eagle II, Iron Eagle IV, and Ladybugs.  His co-writer on the film was executive producer Kevin Alyn Elders, who also wrote Aces: Iron Eagle III and Echelon Conspiracy.

The cinematographer on Iron Eagle was Adam Greenberg, who also shot Rush Hour, Ghost, Sphere, Junior, North, Toys, 3 Men and a Baby, The Terminator, and The Big Red One, among others.

The editor for the film was George Grenville, who cut the movies Billy Jack Goes To Washington, The Trial of Billy Jack, Wrong is Right, Bite the Bullet, and Looking For Mr. Goodbar.

The musical score for Iron Eagle was composed by Basil Poledouris, who is known for composing music for such movies as RoboCop, Conan The Barbarian, Red Dawn, Wired, RoboCop 3, On Deadly Ground, The Hunt For Red October, Hot Shots! Part Deux, and Starship Troopers.

The effects team for the film included Karen Kubeck (Battle Beyond The Stars, Trancers, Coneheads, Back to the Future Part II), Zivit Yakir (American Samurai, The Delta Force), Bernardo Munoz (Super Mario Bros., A Nightmare On Elm Street 3), Pini Klavir (The Expendables 2, The Order), Jarn Heil (House II, Critters 2, Critters 3, Critters 4), Bruce Hayes (Hancock, Stealth, The Rock, Congo), and Sandra Stewart (Waterworld, The People Under The Stairs, K-9).

The cast of Iron Eagle includes Louis Gossett Jr. (Enemy Mine, Jaws 3-D, The Punisher), Jason Gedrick (Summer Catch, Backdraft), David Suchet (Poirot, A Perfect Murder), Larry B. Scott (SpaceCamp, Revenge of the Nerds, The Karate Kid), Caroline Lagerfelt (Minority Report), Jerry Levine (Teen Wolf, K-9), Robert Jayne (Tremors, Tremors 3), and Shawnee Smith (Saw).

ironeagle2The plot of Iron Eagle is summarized on IMDb as follows:

When Doug’s father, an Air Force Pilot, is shot down by MiGs belonging to a radical Middle Eastern state, no one seems able to get him out. Doug finds Chappy, an Air Force Colonel who is intrigued by the idea of sending in two fighters piloted by himself and Doug to rescue Doug’s father after bombing the MiG base. Their only problems: Borrowing two fighters, getting them from California to the Mediterranean without anyone noticing, and Doug’s inability to hit anything unless he has music playing. Then come the minor problems of the state’s air defenses.

Iron Eagle bears a number of similarities to another 1986 film: Top Gun. Many regard their similar styles, concepts, and near-concurrent releases as akin to the deep sea movie craze of 1989 (Leviathan, DeepStar Six, The Abyss), the twin 1998 asteroid disaster blockbusters (Armageddon, Deep Impact), or 2000’s pair of Mars-based films (Mission to Mars, Red Planet). The production team was clearly aware of the similarities, as Iron Eagle‘s theatrical release date was altered in order to avoid competition in the summer with Top Gun. Both films would also be equally skewered in the parody films Hot Shots! and Hot Shots! Part Deux by Jim Abrahams.

Iron Eagle ultimately spawned multiple sequels: Iron Eagle II in 1988, Aces: Iron Eagle III in 1992, and Iron Eagle IV in 1995.

The fighter planes featured throughout the movie are all Israeli, and are thoroughly mocked up to look either American or vaguely foreign. The USAF was reportedly going to provide technical advising for the movie at one point, but decided to back out given how the plot reflects on the institution.

Iron Eagle was made on a production budget of $18 million, on which it grossed over $24 million domestically, making it a profitable feature. The reception, however, wasn’t terribly enthusiastic. The film currently holds a 5.2 rating on IMDb, alongside a Rotten Tomatoes audience score of 57%. Ultimately, the movie was buried in the shadow of Top Gun in the public consciousness, despite its run of sequels.

The dialogue in Iron Eagle is absolutely terrible out of just about everyone in the film who isn’t Louis Gossett Jr. In particular, every word that comes out of a child actor is aggravatingly awful, which is  exemplified in a sequence where the then-president is referred to as “Ronnie Ray-Gun.” On the flip side, Louis Gossett Jr.’s character is really memorable, and might be the only reason that the movie is remembered at all.

Speaking of child actors, I’m not entirely clear on why there needed to be so many of them in this movie. The lead character is a pending high school graduate, so why does he pal around with so many young kids? Would the plot not have worked with teens taking on the various sneaky tasks and manipulations? Then at least the relationships would have made more sense.

Something that really stands out now for me about the film is the transparent messaging, particularly in support of aggressive, militaristic foreign policy. The story is anything but subtle about the point, going so far as to have characters berate the military brass for not invading foreign countries on a whim, and directing speaking poorly of Jimmy Carter’s handling of the Iran hostage situation.

Getting back to the plot of the movie, the very concept behind this film is utterly preposterous. As far as realism goes, this movie gives SpaceCamp a run for its money in how detached it is. Iron Eagle supposes that children of American military officers could plot and execute a paramilitary operation using US military resources without anyone noticing. At the end of the film, it is even revealed that there are no repercussions for attacking a foreign nation with the unsanctioned use of military resources and personnel. There are so many problems and impossibilities with the scenario that there is just no way to suspend disbelief while watching the movie: the only response to any of this has to be laughter.

Overall, this is (and always was) a cheesy movie, and it certainly hasn’t aged gracefully. I had an absolute blast watching it, and will probably be digging up the sequels in the near future. The writing and acting are awful, and the tone is so excessively dramatic and self-important that it almost comes off as self-parody. I’m astounded that anyone was able to take this movie seriously in the 1980s, but I suppose that was a very different world. If you ask me, anyone into 80s nostalgia, bad movies, or the Hot Shots! films owes it to themselves to check out Iron Eagle at least once.

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Tammy and the T-Rex

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Tammy and the T-Rex

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Today’s movie is a romantic tale involving reanimation, body-swapping, and a carnivorous dinosaur: Tammy and the T-Rex.

Tammy and the T-Rex was written and directed by Stewart Raffill, who was also behind such flicks as Mac And Me, Mannequin: On The Move, and The Philadelphia Experiment. His co-writer was producer Gary Brockette, who has no other writing credits, but eventually become a second unit director for a number of b-movies in the early 2000s.

The cinematographer on Tammy and the T-Rex was Roger Olkowski, who worked exclusively on low-budget productions over his career. His credits include shooting flicks like Sex Files: Pleasureville, Crystal Force, Stripshow, Deadly Ransom, and numerous other movies no one has ever heard of.

The editor for the film was Terry Kelley, who did significant cutting on television shows like Homeland, Rubicon, V.R. Troopers, and Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, and also worked on horror films like Jack Frost and Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys.

tammytrex4The other producers on Tammy and the T-Rex included Diane Kirman (Survival Island), Laura Tateishi (Rocky V, Ghost), and stunt coordinator Fernando Celis (.com For Murder, McHale’s Navy, Mac And Me).

Three different people are credited with providing the music on Tammy and the T-Rex: Tyler Bates (John Wick, Guardians of the Galaxy, Killer Joe, Super, Slither, Californication, Sucker Punch), Jack Conrad (Loverboy), and Anthony Riparetti (Alien From L.A., Kickboxer 2, Dollman, Dollman vs. Demonic Toys).

The effects team for Tammy and the T-Rex included Scott Wolf (Tales From The Crypt, Broken Arrow), Bruce Nazarian (The Dentist), Dennis Dion (Invasion U.S.A., Crank: High Voltage, Breaking Wind), John Carl Buechler (Troll, From Beyond, Dolls, The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, Friday the 13th Part VII, Arena, Demonic Toys, Carnosaur), and Max W. Anderson (Children of the Corn, Wolfen).

The cast of Tammy and the T-Rex is made up of Paul Walker (The Skulls, She’s All That, The Fast and The Furious), Denise Richards (Starship Troopers, The World Is Not Enough), Ellen Dubin (Napoleon Dynamite), Terry Kiser (Friday the 13th Part VII, Weekend at Bernie’s, Weekend at Bernie’s 2), Buck Flower (Maniac Cop, They Live, Pumpkinhead, They Live, The Fog), Sean Whalen (The People Under The Stairs, Idle Hands, Waterworld, Twister).tammytrex2The plot of Tammy and the T-Rex is summarized on IMDb as follows:

An evil scientist implants the brain of Michael, a murdered high school student, into an Tyrannosaurus. He escapes, wreaks vengeance on his high school tormentors and is reunited with his sweetheart Tammy.

Apparently, there is alternate cut of Tammy and the T-Rex that was released in Italy, which features enough violence and gore that it would have received an R-rating from the MPAA. In total, this cut is less than 10 minutes longer, but has never been released in English. However, it is available on YouTube in Italian.

Tammy and the T-Rex is certainly not a beloved film, but the ludicrousness of its plot has made it a bit of a cult classic that has endured through the years. Currently, it holds an IMDb rating of 3.3, along with a 39% audience aggregate score on Rotten Tomatoes.

Tammy and the T-Rex is a movie that was obviously made without a clear audience in mind, which is almost always a recipe for disaster. The romantic story is goofy and seems to be aimed at teens, but the dinosaur-related violence doesn’t fit in with that tone in the slightest. From watching the unedited European cut, apparently the movie was initially intended to be even more violent, which is immensely confusing. A goofy teen romance doesn’t mesh well with killing sprees by a lead character, much less brutal decapitations.

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At the same time, the bizarre tone, the inexplicable violence, the laughable effects work (the T-Rex arms, particularly), the ridiculous characters, and the massive plot holes combine to make a truly unique movie experience that defies any kind of conventional classification. This is a rare sort of thoroughly baffling film that is impossible to forget, and is an absolute must-watch for bad movie fans.

For more thoughts on Tammy and the T-Rex, I recommend checking out the episode of Red Letter Media’s Best of the Worst that spotlighted it alongside Carnosaur and Theodore Rex, as well as the feature on JoBlo.com’s Awfully Good Movies.

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The Giant Claw

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The Giant Claw

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Today’s feature is a monster movie cult classic: 1957’s The Giant Claw.

The Giant Claw was written by the duo of Samuel Newman and Paul Gangelin, who wrote on a handful of television shows throughout the 1950s and 1960s, including The Gene Autry Show, Annie Oakley, The Adventures of Rin Tin Tin, and Perry Mason.

The Giant Claw was directed by Fred F. Sears, a proficient low-budget director of the 1950s who amassed credits like Earth vs. The Flying Saucers, The Werewolf, and numerous episodes of Ford Television Theater.

The cinematographer for The Giant Claw was Benjamin Kline, an accomplished director of photography who worked on countless television shows, including Wagon Train, The Virginian, Dragnet 1967, Ironside, McHale’s Navy, The Alfred Hitchcock Hour, and The Amos ‘n Andy Show.

The Giant Claw had two credited editors: Anthony DiMarco, best known for cutting Hell Night and a number of episodes of The Outer Limits, as well as working in a supervisory capacity on Purple Rain and the television show The Rat Patrol, and Saul Goodkind, of the Sherlock Holmes films Terror By Night, Dressed To Kill, and The House of Fear, as well as the 1936 serial movie Flash Gordon.

The lone credited producer on The Giant Claw was Sam Katzman, a frequent collaborator of Fred F. Sears whose credits include Hot Rods To Hell, It Came From Beneath The Sea, and Creature With The Atom Brain, among many others.

The musical score and orchestration for the film was provided by Mischa Bakaleinikoff, a Russian expatriate who composed and orchestrated music for Columbia Pictures for decades, and has credits that include 20 Million Miles To Earth, The Big Heat, and Lady For A Day.

The effects team for The Giant Claw included Ralph Hammeras (The Giant Gila Monster, The Great Dictator, 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, The Lost World), George Teague (He Walked By Night, Raw Deal, Hollow Triumph), and Lawrence Butler (Casablanca, The Caine Mutiny, Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner).

The cast of The Giant Claw includes Jeff Morrow (This Island Earth, Octaman, Kronos, The Creature Walks Among Us), Mara Corday (Tarantula, The Black Scorpion), Morris Ankrum (In A Lonely Place, Invaders From Mars), Robert Shayne (Indestructible Man, Neanderthal Man), and Louis Merrill (The Lady From Shanghai).

giantclaw1The plot of The Giant Claw is summarized on IMDb as follows:

Global panic ensues when it is revealed that a mysterious UFO is actually a giant bird that flies at supersonic speed and has no regard for life or architecture.

Reportedly, the cast and the majority of the crew on The Giant Claw had no idea what the monster looked like until the premiere of the movie, during which there was audible laughter every time it appeared on screen. Vic Morrow claimed to have walked out of the premiere screening out of embarrassment.

Shockingly, even the poster artists for the movie weren’t shown the monster, and were given only descriptions to work with. The result is that the monster that features in the posters only vaguely resembles the laughably hideous one in the film.

giantclaw3The Giant Claw now is remembered as one of the great good-bad monster movies of the 1950s: currently, it holds an IMDb user rating of 4.1, and a Rotten Tomatoes audience aggregate score of 34%.

I first came across The Giant Claw when I was a really young kid, and was given a VHS trailer compilation titled Fantastic Dinosaurs Of The Movies by my parents. The Giant Claw was one of the most hypnotically terrible movie monsters featured on the tape, and I was always hoping to stumble onto a copy of the movie. I ultimately didn’t see the film until I was in high school, and I can honestly say that watching the trailer is a lot more fun than sitting through the whole movie. While the stilted dialogue and pseudo-scientific babbling is mildly entertaining, there isn’t a whole lot more to see of the ridiculous monster itself that wasn’t already spotlighted in the trailer.

For fans of b-movie history, The Giant Claw is worth seeing for the experience. I would admit that it is an easier watch than any of the Coleman Francis movies, or pretty much anything that made the cut for MST3k. It has some definite highlight moments, but it is hard to recommend this flick to anyone outside of monster movie die-hards.

For more thoughts on The Giant Claw, I recommend checking out acclaimed director Joe Dante’s commentary on it over at Trailers From Hell, as well as the reviews on the film by Brandon Tenold and Dark Corners of This Sick World.

 

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Hider In The House

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Hider In The House

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Today’s feature is about the nightmare scenario of Gary Busey secretly living in your attic: Hider In The House.

Hider In The House was written and produced by Lem Dobbs, who also penned screenplays for movies like The Hard Way, Kafka, The Limey, Haywire, The Score, and Dark City.

The director for the movie was a guy named Matthew Patrick, whose credits include a handful of television movies and shorts, but no other feature films.

The cinematographer on Hider In The House was Jeff Jur, who also shot the movies Joy Ride, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, How Stella Got Her Groove Back, Soul Man, It’s Pat, and numerous episodes of the television show Dexter.

hider2Outside of Dobbs, the team of producers for Hider In The House included Edward Teets (Under Fire, Three Men and A Baby), Michael Taylor (Phenomenon, Bottle Rocket), Steven Reuther (The Ugly Truth, Face/Off, Under Siege), Diane Nabatoff (Narc, Very Bad Things), and Stuart Cornfield (Mimic, Tropic Thunder).

The musical score for Hider In The House  was provided by Christopher Young, who has done the music for such films as Sinister, Priest, Drag Me To Hell, Spider-Man 3, Ghost Rider, Swordfish, The Core, Species, and Trick or Treat, among others.

The effects work for the movie was done by a small team that included Gary L. King (The Prophecy, Demolition Man, Volcano, Commando), Judee Guilmette (Silent Night, Deadly Night), and Susan Mills (Cool As Ice, Captain Ron).

The cast for Hider In The House included Gary Busey (Predator 2, Lethal Weapon, The Gingerdead Man, Under Siege), Mimi Rogers (Austin Powers, Ginger Snaps), Bruce Glover (Die Hard Dracula, Diamonds Are Forever), and Michael McKean (Clue, This Is Spinal Tap).

HIDER IN THE HOUSE, Gary Busey, 1989. ©VestronThe plot of Hider in the House is summarized on its IMDb page as follows:

A deranged man hides in the attic of a new house and becomes obsessed with the unsuspecting family that moves in.

Hider In The House is a mostly forgotten feature, though the reviews that do exist aren’t exactly positive: it currently holds an unenviable 5.8 rating from the IMDb user base.

First off, Gary Busey is more than solid in the lead role of Hider in the House, and makes his character both off-putting and erratic, but still generally sympathetic. His character is like a cross between Lenny from Of Mice and Men and Michael Myers from Halloween, which is perfect for Busey and fascinating to watch.

Bruce Glover, a character actor of some note and the father of Crispin Glover, has a supporting role in Hider In The House as an equally off-putting and potentially menacing neighbor. Despite not being on screen much, his bit character makes a significant impression, like he is a rapist or murderer desperately trying to maintain a facade, and failing spectacularly.

The premise at the foundation of Hider In The House is beyond bizarre: the idea of someone living in a secret room inside of an occupied house sounds like something out of an Edgar Allan Poe story, which makes the modern setting for the tale kind of intriguing. That said, there is a lot of necessary suspension of disbelief which increases throughout the progression of the story in order for the premise to hold up.

At the same time, the atmosphere and tension is pretty solid, and I personally found myself simultaneously concerned for Busey getting discovered, and nervous about the danger he presented to the family. It isn’t a great movie by any means, but it does what it sought out to do, and is an entertaining experience on the whole.

Hider in the House is worth checking out based on Busey’s erratic performance alone. For bad movie fans, getting a glimpse of Busey in a lead role where he gets to show off his manic side is an absolute treat. The film is totally watchable on top of that, with both Bruce Glover and Mimi Rogers putting in occasional memorable moments on top of that.

For more thoughts on Hider In The House, I highly encourage checking out the We Hate Movies episode on the movie, which is regarded as one of their most memorable episodes among fans.

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Tango & Cash

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Tango & Cash

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Today’s feature if one of the most notorious buddy-cop showcases of all time: Tango & Cash.

Tango & Cash was written by Randy Feldman, who also penned screenplays for the films Nowhere to Run, Metro, and Hell Night.

The final credited director for Tango & Cash was Andrei Konchalovsky (Runaway Train, Homer and Eddie, The Inner Circle), but he was actually replaced before filming was completed. Albert Magnoli (Purple Rain) took over the production, but doesn’t have an official credit on the movie. The circumstances of the director change apparently had to do with significant conflicts between Konchalovsky and producer Jon Peters over the tone of the movie, which eventually boiled over.

The initial cinematographer on Tango & Cash was Barry Sonnenfeld, who later directed movies like Wild Wild West, Get Shorty, and Men in Black. His shooting credits at the time included significant movies like Big, Throw Momma From The Train, Raising Arizona, and Blood Simple, but he was dismissed after only a brief stint on Tango & Cash because, reportedly, Stallone wanted his gone. His replacement was Donald E. Thorin, whose career credits include shooting Collision Course, The Golden Child, Purple Rain, Scent of a Woman, Undercover Blues, and Dudley Do-Right.

The film had two credited primary editors: Robert A Ferretti (Stuck, On Deadly Ground, Gymkata) and Hubert de La Bouillerie (Highlander II: The Quickening, Police Academy 5, Police Academy 6).  The film was re-edited on the orders of Warner Brothers by Stuart Baird (Superman, The Omen, Tommy), taking away control from the production team. This ultimate, studio-mandated edit by Baird and de La Bouillerie was only given partial credit, but is more responsible for the final product of the film that the scrapped Ferretti edit.

The team of producers for Tango & Cash included the infamous duo of Peter Guber and John Peters (Batman, Caddyshack II), Larry J. Franco (The Thing, Christine), Peter MacDonald (X-Men Origins: Wolverine), and Tony Munafo (Judge Dredd, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot).

The music for Tango & Cash was provided by Harold Faltermeyer, who is most famous for his iconic theme for Beverly Hills Cop. His other credits include Fletch, Top Gun, The Running Man, and Cop Out. He has also worked extensively beyond motion pictures, and has two Grammy awards for his work.

The effects work on Tango & Cash was done by a team that included Dennis Liddiard (Speed 2), Gary Liddiard (Exorcist II, TRON), Peter Anderson (Ishtar, COSMOS), Michael L. Fink (RoboCop 2, WarGames), Peter Kuran (Piranha, Q: The Winged Serpent, RoboCop 3, Lake Placid, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen), Jon Belyeu (Halloween III), Tom Del Genio (Jaws 3-D, Friday the 13th: A New Beginning), Larry L. Fuentes (Time After Time), and Jim Schwalm (Falling Down, Cobra).

The cast of Tango & Cash is made up of Kurt Russell (The Thing, Escape From New York, Big Trouble In Little China), Sylvester Stallone (Cobra, Rhinestone, Judge Dredd, Over The Top, Demolition Man), Robert Z’dar (Samurai Cop, Maniac Cop, Maniac Cop 2, Maniac Cop 3, Soultaker), Clint Howard (Evilspeak, House of the Dead, The Dentist 2, Blubberella, Carnosaur, Night Shift), Jack Palance (Batman), Teri Hatcher (Desperate Housewives), James Hong (Blade Runner), Brion James (The Fifth Element), Eddie Bunker (Reservoir Dogs), Lewis Arquette (Scream 2), Michael J. Pollard (Bonnie & Clyde, Scrooged), and Marc Alaimo (Total Recall).

The plot of Tango & Cash is summarized on wikipedia as follows:

The film describes the struggle of Raymond Tango and Gabriel Cash, two rival LAPD narcotics detectives, who are forced to work together after the criminal mastermind Yves Perret frames both of them for murder.

tangocash1Patrick Swayze was initially cast in the role of Gabriel Cash, but dropped out to star in his own cult classic, over-the-top action flick: Road House. Kurt Russell then took over the role, and the rest is history.

The glasses worn by Sylvester Stallone throughout the movie were his own prescribed spectacles. Typically, he wears contacts for his movie roles, but he decided to wear glasses as Ray Tango to make him seem more intelligent and distinguished.

The budget for Tango & Cash was estimated to have gotten as high as $55 million by the end of the production. It managed to make the money back on a gross total of $63.4 million, but the inflated budget and low profits led most people to regard it as a bust. Critics and audiences certainly didn’t receive it warmly at the time: the movie currently holds Rotten Tomatoes aggregated scores of 34% from critics and 52% from general audiences, but the more contemporaneous IMDb rating is notably higher at a 6.3. Particularly in the past few years, the movie has been hailed as a cult classic by many, epitomizing a certain style of action movie.

Tango & Cash is arguably the peak of fun, cheesy action movies. Kurt Russell is absolutely fantastic, as he always seems to be when he is in his action element. Seeing Stallone play against type as an intellectual adds a surreal element to the film, and the surprisingly deep cast of character actors makes it one hell of an entertaining showcase for movie buffs. The plot and action are both ludicrous enough that any bad movie lover should give it a chance, but I would even go so far as to recommend it to general movie-goers nowadays. This movie encapsulates an entire genre and time period that has recently started to be ‘cool’ again, and this hilarious over the top flick deserves another round of eyes on it.

For more thoughts on the dynamic duo of Tango & Cash, I recommend checking out the dedicated episode of The Flophouse Podcast on the flick, last year’s spotlight on Flavorwire, and the retrospective review from The Dissolve.

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Evilspeak

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Evilspeak

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Today’s feature is a 1981 horror movie headlined by Clint Howard: Evilspeak.

Evilspeak was produced, co-written, and directed by Eric Weston, who has been behind a handful of low-budget flicks over his career, including Hitters, Cover Story, Pressure Point, To Protect And Serve, The Iron Triangle, and Marvin & Tige.

The cinematographer on Evilspeak was Irv Goodnoff, who also shot the movies Xtro 3, Shatterbrain, and The Van, among others.

The editor for the film was Charles Tetoni, who also cut the films Halloween 5 and One Dark Night, and was an associate editor on Capricorn One and The Star Chamber.

One of the producers for Evilspeak was Sylvio Tabet, whose other credits include The Cotton Club, Dead Ringers, The Beastmaster, Beastmaster II, and Beastmaster III.

evilspeak3The music for Evilspeak was provided by Roger Kellaway, who composed scores for 1976’s A Star Is Born, Satan’s Mistress, Jaws of Satan, The Dark, and The Silent Scream, and conducted for 1978’s Invasion of the Body Snatchers and Invictus.

The effects work for the movie was done by a team that included Peter Knowlton (Flipper, Cool as Ice, Beethoven, The Creature Wasn’t Nice), Allan Apone (Going Overboard, CHUD II: Bud the Chud, Deep Blue Sea), Robert Clark (Starship Troopers, Mimic, The People Under The Stairs, Fortress, The Pit and The Pendulum), Francisco X. Pérez (Hesher, Con Air, Waterworld), Douglas J. White (CHUD II: Bud the Chud, Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders), John Carter (Maniac Cop 2), Harry Woolman (Laserblast, Dolemite), and Robert Bailey (Throw Momma From The Train, Killer Klowns From Outer Space).

The cast of Evilspeak includes Clint Howard (House of the Dead, Blubberella, Night Shift, Carnosaur, The Dentist 2), R. G. Armstrong (Children of the Corn, Predator), Joe Cortese (American History X), Don Stark (Santa With Muscles, That 70s Show), and Charles Tyner (Cool Hand Luke, Harold and Maude).

The plot of Evilspeak is summarized on IMDb as follows:

A military cadet who happens to be a social outcast taps into a way to summon demons and cast spells on his tormentors through his computer.

evilspeak5Evilspeak was one of many features to make the infamous “video nasty” list in the United Kingdom, meaning it was outright banned for many years due to its violent and Satanic content.

Anton LaVey, who was a noted author and the founder of the much-stigmatized Church of Satan, was apparently a fan of Evilspeak, and of how it portrayed Satan and Satanism.

The budget for Evilspeak was somewhere between $900,000 and $1 million. I wasn’t able to dig up any theatrical numbers, which were almost certainly affected by the controversial nature of the film’s plot. Regardless, it has become a cult favorite among die-hard horror fans. Currently, it holds an IMDb rating of 5.6, alongside Rotten Tomatoes aggregate scores of 46% from critics and 37% from audiences.

Personally, I think that Clint Howard is solid in his lead role in Evilspeak. He is certainly not someone who is often tapped for lead roles, but this particular character needed someone who could portray a pathetic loser and also garner sympathy, and he pretty much nails that with his performance. The other characters aren’t nearly as well done, and suffer a bit from being exaggeratedly evil, particularly the bullies and some of the school staff. A number of people point to this film as a Carrie ripoff, and I think these excessive portrayals of the “bad guys” is where that influence is most evident.

evilspeak4For being so low-budget, the effects in Evilspeak are at least pretty entertaining, and are nothing if not ambitious. There are a couple of decapitations, a murder via a pack of pigs, and a handful of other creative / gruesome deaths that don’t shy away from any kind of effects challenge.

If there is anything I really don’t like about Evilspeak, it is the conclusion. Essentially, it ends on a note that is at once an anti-climax and a pathetic sequel setup: after the murder spree is over, the movie just fades to black, and text comes up confirming that Clint Howard survived, and then teases his potential return. My problem with this is that he already got his revenge, and there wasn’t anything else particularly intimidating about the guy himself. The demon computer is a different case, but it doesn’t necessarily need Clint Howard’s survival to be a threat.

evilspeak2Overall, Evilspeak is a fun little piece of grind house horror history. It is certainly a low budget horror deep cut, though it is now available on blu ray after a Shout Factory release last year. Clint Howard is really interesting to see in a lead role before he turned to self-parody, the outdated technology at the center of the plot is hilarious, and the deaths are everything you could hope for from a movie like this. For horror movie fans, this is more than worth digging up. Likewise, bad movie aficionados are bound to get a kick out of this flick.

For more thoughts on the Satanic escapades of Clint Howard, I highly recommend checking out the We Hate Movies episode on the movie, Dread Central’s coverage of the recent blu-ray release, and the retrospective review from Daily Grindhouse.

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Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves

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Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves

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Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves is a 2015 historically-accurate drama designed in the noble effort of being intentionally bad.

Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves was written and directed by Ross Patterson, whose previous writing credits include FDR: American Badass and Poolboy: Drowning Out The Fury.  Heller Keller marks his first directorial effort, however.

The cast for the movie includes Jessie Wiseman (Bellflower), Lin Shaye (Pledge This, Ouija, Insidious, Surf School, Critters), Barry Bostwick (The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Spin City), Alanna Ubach (Hung, Waiting), Richard Riehle (Office Space), and writer/director Ross Patterson in his fictitious persona of filmmaker St. James St. James.

The plot of Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves, in case it isn’t completely self-evident, is summarized on IMDb as follows:

In yet another masterpiece by St. James St. James, this film explores the true story that government didn’t want you to know about how Helen Keller really lost her eyesight and hearing: Nightwolves.

The concept of making a good-bad movie on purpose isn’t something new, but it is something that has been difficult for anyone to pull off well. The constant stream of knockoff movies from The Asylum and similar studios are certainly self-aware, but they usually aren’t terribly entertaining. Other outfits like Troma are equally self-aware, but lose a lot of their potential charm in the pursuit of humor. On its surface, Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves looks like it could easily be just another one of these movies, in the vein of Mega Piranha, Sharknado, or, more aptly, Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies. Basically, just an idea with the semblance of a movie attached.

Despite those appearances, Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves is crafted more like Robert Rodriguez’s Planet Terror or Scott Sanders’s Black Dynamite than like The Asylum’s Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies. This is not just a self-aware movie like the droves you can find in your local bargain bins: it was clearly made with an affection for its genre, and in an honest attempt to replicate a very elusive aesthetic. It doesn’t always nail what it is aiming for, but it hits far more than it misses. Gags comes from the use of poor editing, ill-placed stock footage, low budget monster effects, sound gaffes, and laughable mismatched voice-over work: all staples of bad horror movies.

The movie does resort to some low humor that wouldn’t be out of place in a Scary Movie film, but these broad stereotypes and vulgarities stuck me as more attempts to mock the genre than honest gags to be played for straight laughs. Still, whenever the movie stoops to actually delivering Helen Keller jokes or playing off of the flamboyantly gay character, it grinds to a halt, regardless of whether it was done ironically or earnestly.

All of that said, I found this to be an immensely enjoyable experience to sit through as a bad movie fan. It is very easy for this kind of project to drift into excessive parody and lose its charm, but this movie manages to toe that line effectively. Bad movie aficionados should at least give it a shot, even if they are sticklers for the earnest and honest classics.

I was lucky enough to attend an in-person screening of Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves, which included a meet-and-greet with star Jessie Wiseman and writer/director Ross Patterson, at my local independent theater, the Gateway Film Center. Along with some great conversation and an amusingly raucous crowd, I managed to come home with a decapitated Helen Keller head signed by both the star and the auteur.

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Hail Caesar

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Hail Caesar

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Today feature is not the latest, highly-anticipated release from Joel and Ethan Coen: it is 1994’s Hail Caesar, an Anthony Michael Hall passion project.

Hail Caesar was written by Robert Mittenthal, a producer and writer of kids’ television programming like 100 Deeds For Eddie McDowd, Double Dare, KaBlam!, and The Adventures of Pete & Pete.

Hail Caesar was directed by actor Anthony Michael Hall (The Breakfast Club, The Dead Zone), who also starred in the picture. Currently, this stands as his only directorial feature.

The cinematographer for the movie was Adam Kane, who shot films like The Boondock Saints, The Man, and Resurrecting The Champ.

HAIL CAESAR, Robert Downey Jr., 1994The editor for Hail Caesar was Jack Tucker, who also cut A Nightmare On Elm Street 4, Sherlock: Undercover Dog, and Shogun.

The team of producers for Hail Caesar included Steven Paul (Baby Geniuses, Baby Geniuses 2, Bratz), Barbara Javitz (Jack Frost), Barry Collier (Galaxis), Eric M. Breiman (Bratz, Baby Geniuses 2), and Gary Binkow (V/H/S, Plump Fiction).

Outside of Anthony Michael Hall, the cast of Hail Caesar included Robert Downey Jr. (The Singing Detective, Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang), Samuel L. Jackson (Deep Blue Sea, The Spirit, Unbreakable), Frank Gorshin (12 Monkeys), Grant Cramer (Killer Klowns From Outer Space), and Bobbie Phillips (Showgirls).

hailcaesar2The plot of Hail Caesar is summarized on Wikipedia as follows:

Caesar is having a hard time dividing his time between his band and his rich girlfriend, Buffer, whose father hates him. Buffer’s father calls Caesar in to make a bet: If Caesar makes $100,000 within six months, he can have Buffer; if he does not, he is banished from her life.

Hail Caesar is one of only two films where Robert Downey Sr. and Robert Downey Jr. both appear on screen, the other being Johnny Be Good.

The acclaimed filmmakers Joel and Ethan Coen are scheduled to release a similarly-titled movie, Hail, Caesar!, in 2016. The star-studded cast (George Clooney, Ralph Fiennes, Josh Brolin, Channing Tatum, Tilda Swinton, Scarlett Johansson, Dolph Lundgren, Christopher Lambert, Frances McDormand) already has the film highly anticipated, and the trailer has circulated widely.

The reception to Hail Caesar was generally negative: it currently holds an IMDb rating of 3.2, along with a 14% audience aggregate score on Rotten Tomatoes.

The premise of Hail Caesar makes it seem like it should be music-heavy: after all, it centers around the lead of a rock band who is trying to hit it big. However, the band takes a back seat for almost the entire film, and there aren’t any notable musical number or performances that stand out. As far as expectations going into the movie go, that was kind of a letdown. At the same time, what the movie does showcase of the eponymous band isn’t exactly good, so it might have been a blessing in disguise.

One of the most bizarre aspects of the movie are the credits themselves: the movie heavily markets the involvement of actors like Samuel L. Jackson, Robert Downey, Jr., and Judd Nelson, who all only appear in very minor roles in the film. Regardless, nearly every poster or video cover you will find of the movie will feature all three of them, given how recognizable they are. The reality, however, is that this is 100% an Anthony Michael Hall spotlight, which isn’t much to sell a movie on.

Anthony Michael Hall’s character, Julius Caesar, is a very odd sort of lead. He is at once a massive ego case who is full of himself, but is also very obviously a complete loser. Hall has always been able to pull off a nerdy social outcast well in his assortment of teen comedies, but the “cool guy” aspect of his character isn’t pulled off particularly well. Hall has managed to grow into himself over the years, and has made for a convincing lead in the television show The Dead Zone. This particular movie, however, exists in a limbo period of his career between his youthful nerdiness and his adult form, and the role tries to balance between both identities. Ultimately, it just doesn’t work.

Overall, this isn’t an easy movie to recommend. The humor is a little too mad-cap, and is never quite executed well. The characters and plot exist in an exaggerated reality that also isn’t pulled off particularly well: it never really hooks you in to being invested in it, which is a big problem for a movie with a bet in the center of the plot. Compare it with a oddly similar comedy: Billy Madison has almost the same structure as Hail Caesar, but the stakes of the central bet at the center of the plot are clearer, and are easier to get invested in. The fact that I can use an Adam Sandler movie as a positive example next to Hail Caesar speaks volumes about my opinion of this flick.

To this movie’s credit, it does have a distinct visual style that is worthy of a quick nostalgia trip. Outside of that, there isn’t much to recommend about this movie.

For some more thoughts on this all-but-forgotten feature, I recommend checking out the episode of We Hate Movies on Hail Caesar. Spoilers: they don’t like it either.

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The Avengers

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The Avengers

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Today’s feature is not the pinnacle of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: it is 1998’s mostly forgotten The Avengers.

The screenplay for The Avengers was written by Don MacPherson (The Gunman, Absolute Beginners), based on the classic television series created by Sydney Newman.

The director for the film was Jeremiah S. Chechik, who was also behind National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, Benny & Joon, and Diabolique, among others.

The cinematographer on The Avengers was Roger Pratt, who has shot such movies as Troy, 12 Monkeys, Batman, The Fisher King, and Brazil.

The editor for the film was Mick Audsley, who also cut High Fidelity, 12 Monkeys, and Interview With The Vampire, among others.

The music for The Avengers was composed by Joel McNeely, who also worked on I Know Who Killed Me, A Million Ways To Die In The West, Virus, and Vegas Vacation.

The two primary producers for The Avengers were Susan Ekins (Ocean’s Eleven, Vegas Vacation) and Jerry Weintraub (The Karate Kid, Nashville).

The special effects team for the movie included Jonathan Angell (Supergirl), John Brown (Willow), Michael Dawson (Judge Dredd, Mortal Kombat), Joss Williams (Hellboy 2, Aliens), Kevin Draycott (The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Batman), Rodney Fuller (Hudson Hawk), Kevin Mathews (The Brothers Grimm, Labyrinth), Brian Morrison (Return To Oz, Who Framed Roger Rabbit), and Roger Nichols (Slipstream, Batman Begins).

The visual effects crew was made up of Ian Biggs (Supergirl, Wanted), Angus Cameron (Pitch Black, Ghost Ship), Nick Davis (The Adventures of Pluto Nash, Under Siege), Catherine Duncan (Eragon, Event Horizon), Dan Glass (Spice World, Muppet Treasure Island), José Granell (Hudson Hawk, Batman), Antony Hunt (Hackers), Sharon Lark (White Noise), and Nigel Stone (Supergirl, Little Shop Of Horrors).

The cast of The Avengers was composed of Sean Connery (Highlander II, The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen), Ralph Fiennes (Schindler’s List, The Grand Budapest Hotel), Uma Thurman (Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill), Patrick Macnee (The Howling), Jim Broadbent (Gangs of New York, Brazil), Fiona Shaw (My Left Foot, Super Mario Bros.), Eddie Izzard (Mystery Men, Across The Universe), Eileen Atkins (Wolf, Cold Mountain, Gosford Park), and Carmen Ejogo (Alex Cross, Selma).

avengers3The plot of The Avengers, according to IMDb, is as follows:

Two British agents (John Steed and Emma Peel) team up to stop Sir August De Wynter from destroying the world with a weather changing machine.

The Avengers was apparently significantly cut and re-shot by the studio after a disastrous test screening, but popular opinion is that these alterations hurt the feature dramatically, due to the sacrifice of plot coherence. The cut footage seems to have been lost, making a restored edit unlikely to ever receive a release.

The production history of The Avengers features a number of alternate casting near-misses and rumors: reportedly, David Fincher was interested in directing at one point with Charles Dance in the lead, Nicole Kidman backed out after briefly being attached to the film, Gwyneth Paltrow declined the lead role of Peel, and Mel Gibson was inexplicably considered early on in the film’s planning.

The Avengers was made on a production budget of $60 million, on which it grossed less than $24 million domestically. This made it a significant financial failure, but even that failed in comparison to how poorly it was received critically. When all was said and done, the film was reamed in the press and through word of mouth, starting with the studio’s decision to to preview the movie for the press. It currently holds a 3.7 rating on IMDb, which looks good next to the Rotten Tomatoes aggregate scores of 5% from critics and 15% from audiences. Ultimately, the movie was up for a total of 9 Golden Raspberry awards at the end of the year, including Worst Picture, which it lost to An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn.

avengers2The studio-mandated cuts obviously really hurt the film, in the sense that the movie is paced weirdly and doesn’t quite make sense given the omissions. However, I doubt that it would have been good if it were left in tact, because the problems with the film go much deeper than minor plot issues and pacing. That said, it would have been better without the cut, but at this point it is unlikely that we will ever see the original theatrical cut again.

Personally, I don’t think that the performances are necessarily awful in The Avengers. Fiennes and Thurman do the best that they can with the banter as it is written. The problem is that the dialogue is written in a way that is too prim and wooden to be realistic or entertaining, particularly for an American audience. It doesn’t feel wrong for the way that the movie is set up, but the entire foundation of the movie is way off the mark. When it comes down to it, the movie just isn’t very fun, though it is clearly trying to be. The only thing the movie has going for it is the banter, and that horse was weak to start with, and is ultimately ridden to the point of exhaustion. The off-the-wall attempts at humor peppered throughout also just come off as weird as opposed to funny, like the infamous teddy bear suits.

Overall, this banter-filled movie is a steady crescendo of aggravation. At first it is watchable, but the persistent banter has the steady erosive effect of a tide, which really got to grating on me by the halfway point of the movie. It is easy to claim that the film was butchered by the studio, but the biggest issue with this flick is the writing, and the only possible solution would have been a full re-write of the screenplay. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen, and the result is a would-be blockbuster built on a foundation of sand.

avengers4This is one of those highly public failures that might be worth watching for the fact that it failed so visibly. This isn’t a movie that quietly flopped: it was a contributing factor to the end Sean Connery’s career, and was a massive financial failure that drew plenty of negative attention. Despite it being so boring, I think the movie is worth seeing at least once for bad movie fans, just for the sake of knowledge and awareness.

(God)Awful Movies

Suing The Devil

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Suing The Devil

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Today’s feature is a Christian courtroom thriller/drama that is as self-explanatory as possible: Suing The Devil.

Suing The Devil was written, directed, and produced by Timothy A. Chey, who has worked on a number of Christian movies that are designed to be inconspicuous, including The Genius Club, Live Fast, Die Young, and Gone.

The cinematographer for the film was Tom Gleeson, who has done some camera work on films like Happy Feet.

The effects for the movie were done by a team that included Ricardo Echevarria (Eight Crazy Nights, The Iron Giant), Ross Newton (Argo, Ant-Man), and Stacy Lande (The Prophecy).

The cast of Suing The Devil includes Corbin Bernsen (The Dentist, The Dentist 2), Tom Sizemore (True Romance, Natural Born Killers), and Malcolm McDowell (A Clockwork Orange, Caligula), who also served as a producer. A number of the lead roles, however, are filled in by unknowns, like Shannen Fields and Bart Bronson.

The plot of Suing The Devil is described on its IMDb page as follows:

A down-and-out law student sues Satan for $8 trillion dollars. Satan appears to defend himself and the trial of the century takes place.

As with many Christian films, the reviews for Suing The Devil from both critics and audiences were dramatically polarized. It currently holds a 4.8 rating on IMDb and a 39% audience score on Rotten Tomatoes, but both user-submitted review sites feature a whole lot of 1-star and 5-star reviews, with very little in between.

suingdevil2As you would expect, the message of Suing The Devil is beaten over the audience’s head constantly: everything bad is Satan’s fault, Satan is real, etc. This is a consistent aspect of many Christian movies I have watched: they get so wrapped up in their message that they forget to do literally anything else, which ultimately (and, I suppose, ironically) weakens the message as a result, by not providing it any realistic foundation.

As far as specific problems with this movie go, the first and biggest one is with the premise itself, and the movie’s abysmal writing. The biggest question in the plot, obviously, is: “How do we know Malcolm McDowell is Satan?” If he isn’t proved to be Satan somehow, then the trial at the center of the movie has no foundation. This is brought up early on by the judge, but totally dropped after she is distracted by the room getting uncomfortably hot. This is the equivalent of a Looney Toons misdirection gag, and the result is that McDowell is not proven to be Satan, but the trial goes on anyway. Eventually this issue of identity comes back up late in the movie, but the idea proceedings would have gone anywhere without proof of identity is beyond absurd. Going further than that, that premise that Satan exists at all (regardless of whether it has a physical form, let alone a Malcolm McDowell form) is completely brushed over, as it is assumed in the courtroom that the Bible is literal fact. The ultimate “resolution” to these issues comes late in the trial, when McDowell is prompted to vomit computer-generated fire after he has a bible passage read to him, because only evil supernatural beings are capable of pulling off such shoddy effects.

The characters that fill out the background of Suing the Devil are a bizarre lot. Satan’s assumed supporters include three distinct groups of people, who apparently make up most of the world’s population in this Christian persecution fantasy-land: Satan-worshipers, theists who dislike God (Satan’s entire defense team), and atheists, who really shouldn’t have a dog in the fight, but apparently are universally evil and operate oil companies. Speaking of folks who have no investment in this religious trial, it is casually mentioned that countries like Pakistan and North Korea are live-streaming the court case. I think the writers meant this to represent that evil countries were pulling for Satan, but that makes no sense whatsoever, and reveals quite a bit about their limited knowledge of religion and world affairs.

Suing the Devil has one of the most distinct gulfs of on-screen talent that I have ever seen in a movie. On the positive end is Malcolm McDowell, who, even though he is clearly only present to receive his paycheck, has some solid moments as Satan. Honorable mentions also go to Tom Sizemore, who briefly hams up a performance in his handful of appearances, and Corbin Bernsen, who apparently loves showing up in this schlock Christian movies. However, the lion’s share of the primary roles go to actors who sound like they wouldn’t make the cut for a community theater production. The lead, for instance, has some of the worst deliveries I have seen in a very long time, and he spends most of the movie in frame. At the very least, I would say it is a little surreal to see sub-amateur performances interspersed with decent Hollywood actors slumming it for a paycheck.

suingdevil1I would love to be able to recommend this movie based on the premise and Malcolm McDowell alone, but this film is one of the most boring and inane things I have ever sat through. The bafflingly terrible performances are only entertaining for so long, and the writing has no sense of pacing, style, or subtlety. That makes the movie as a whole about as interesting to watch and listen to as a sermon without any charisma. If there was a super-cut of the movie (which clocks in at an agonizing 2 hours long) of just the Malcolm McDowell sequences, I would recommend watching that for the humor factor of the bad writing and performances. The whole thing, however, is not worth sitting through.